I've known for almost three years now that my marriage was going nowhere, quickly, and rather painfully. We quit talking, quit being intimate, and finally quit being civil. I began to actively detest being in his presence. So . . . why not end it? I think I dreaded what his response would be.
Turns out, I was right. I filed for divorce in January. He moved out. Things went fairly smoothly until yesterday, when we had mediation. I figured he'd ask for spousal maintenance . . . but I didn't expect his list of demands. $950 per month spousal maintenance for the next 4.5 years so that he can retire comfortably. That I take all of the debt he's run up in the last 2.5 years since he's been mismanaging his own funds, and pay it . . . All 20+ THOUSAND Dollars! I couldn't spend 20+ THOUSAND Dollars on credit cards in 2.5 years if I had to! Not even on wool! He wants half of my retirement, so that he can retire comfortably. And he wants Peaches the Cat.
I came away from the court house yesterday feeling shocked and ill. He doesn't, I mean truly doesn't give a rip about anyone but himself. He doesn't care how badly he hurts anyone . . . not me, not my Dad who is 95 and needs full-time care . . . he only wants what he wants.
I am not some sort of super person. I am not a saint. But I pay my bills on time or a little early, don't use credit cards except for dire emergencies (like the last half of the attorney's retainer -- the first half having devastated my savings account). I keep the low interest rate cards, have dispensed with the rest, and haven't paid a late fee on a credit card in 10 years. His average interest rate is 26.98. Obviously, he has not managed his money well, and expects me to pay for his idiocy and greed.
The really messed up part of it is: I may have to. The current trend in divorce, so my attorney tells me, is women making more money than their husbands, and being required to bail the buggers out after having -- I can only surmise -- gotten fed up with the bums freeloading and deciding to divest themselves of the liability, only to be told by a judge that "no, you are not free . . . I'm awarding you his debt. And by the way, you will have to pay spousal maintenance in the amount of $whatever, for however many years."
WTF???? Why does the responsible party get to continue to be responsible for debt that she didn't incur, didn't enjoy the results of, and can't have anything tangible to sell to defray the cost of repayment? The mediator suggested bankruptcy as an option. I had to control myself to avoid stabbing him with my size 9 Options nickel plated needle. Why should I file bankruptcy because my puerile, narcissistic, spoiled-brat hopefully please Great Spirit soon-to-be ex-husband can't control his impulses, and won't get a decent job?
If he were blind, deaf, in a wheelchair or in some other way truly disabled, it might make some sense. However, he is hale of body, capable of working . . . and has completely bought into the idea that the world generally -- and I in particular -- owes him.
Not unlike, I suppose, the great masses in our country who feel the sense of entitlement and stand, hands out, waiting for Uncle Sugar -- excuse me, I think I meant to say the government -- to guarantee their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of indolence.
Wake up, legal system. Wake up, government. Stop punishing the responsible persons in this country by pushing the sins of the lazy, selfish and indolent off onto us and expecting us to go on fixing it, to go on paying, to go on being responsible without raising a fuss. Wake up, I tell you! My attorney said, "lawyers consider Fair to be another "F" word."
I think it's time that that changed.
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